For What It’s Worth

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In the short time that I’ve experienced your spirit,
I think you’re a pretty dope lady with a lot of power…

Gotta do your thing… breathe.  Be free.  Outside of sexuality.  It’s not about the body, it’s the spirit, made you look!  Healing is not about bowing down, it’s about looking up, and accepting the All.  I see balance, I see truth.  I see myself outside of you.  Peace.

I write love poems… or just poems of desire… i desire u

Shila Iris

P.S. My people don’t always wear clothes.  We started wearing them to protect ourselves from you, and then, you started selling sex.  Look closer.

Reprise:  You will feel me everywhere you go.  You will taste my skin, I will flow within your memory.  You will see me in your dreams.  Your heart is weary, and you will be overwhelmed with me.  I am a drug.  And so are you.  We’re in recovery.

“I’m a recovering undercover overlover, recovering from a love I can’t get over.  Don’t want to be an addict anymore.  Addicts lie, addicts cheat.  Addicts run, hide, and live in fear of their next high. Their next high could be you, it could be me, what are you addicted to?  I just want some balance.  So, I’mma chase the Sun.

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My Introduction to “Knowledge of Self”

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black-history_feb-13_copyright-shila-iris-2017Becoming conscious of my own existence, my mind began to transform. I shedded my ego and my eyes opened to reveal my heart. Gaining clairvoyance through observation, I realized that the now was here. I had a chance, so I took it. The urgency of my evolution allowed me to see the matrix, the numbers, the chemistry, the hieroglyphs, the cyphers- the rotation was magnificent. As I matriculate, I stay true. I have seen with my own two eyes the truth. My accountability, my sacrifice, my love is here. I wrote myself back into the story, and started to really love this girl. This level of maturity, this level of security, my restoration is my assignment. Obstacles are moving, resistance is under my elephant feet, I defeat, every time. Better Me. I wanted her so bad, I had to get her. I saw Shila, and I pursued her, until she was strong and her colors shined through. I planted my flag, my culture, my God. I came for her. Osiris Rising.

Thank you for visiting,

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Shila Iris

My Introduction to Bob Marley

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The transformative power of Robert Nesta has touched many souls. It touched me. I didn’t know much about the music of Bob Marley until I was around 23 years old. I heard the song, “Who the Cap Fit.” It was this song that transformed my understanding of human relationships. The lyrics described the level of consciousness that I was reaching. There were people all around me, but I knew that I’d only be able to trust a few. So when I heard Marley say:

“Your worst enemy could be your best friend And your best friend your worst enemy… Some will eat and drink with you Then behind them su-su ‘pon you Only your friend know your secrets So only he could reveal it…”

I said, “wow, that makes sense.” The one’s closest to you, are the one’s that reveal your secrets! That hurt to hear, but it has proven to be true time and time again, Then he said:

“Some will hate you, pretend they love you now Then behind they try to eliminate you But who Jah bless, no one curse Thank God We’re past the worse … Hypocrites and parasites Will come up and take a bite And if your night should turn to day A lot of people would run away..”

From one Aquarius to another, Bob was speaking a truth that I would have to revisit often, to remind myself, not to take things so personal and to love me first. So, I step back from people with undefined intentions. I let go of those that ran away when my night turned to day, and I leave those behind that find it hard to say, “I choose you.” I’m having to realize, even now, in my 132nd season, that I am not perfect, and that I have to keep going back to this proverbial wisdom to find my power. Sometimes, in the absence of parenting or mentorship, I turn to this good music to give me strength and to help me heal. Bob is the one who helped me realize that I require a high level of loyalty in friendships and in love; and it taught me how to read between the lines of what people say. It doesn’t stop at this song! He has a catalog of at least 200 songs that I find to be revolutionary.

Thanks for reading,

Shila Iris

2015

Healing Rituals: The Nguzo Saba Experience 2017

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“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” -Rumi

healing-rituals-kwanzaa-mantra-copyYou attract what you are. It is important that you examine your own life, and choose a healing path when necessary. Otherwise, you are prone to counterproductive repetitive behaviour, and you may project your pain on to other people. You attract what you are. So, try to make you the best you, so that you can attract some real people and real love.

Define who you are. There is a point in life when one realizes that they have the power to change and to move mountains and to shift dynamics. So, define who you are. Write it down and practice being You. If you do not define who you are, someone else will do it for you. Do you really want that?

What is your healing ritual going to be?

Please share if you’d like. Peace and Love…. off to see:

Terence Blanchard feat. The E-Collective, Live Album Recording at the Bop Stop in Cleveland, Ohio. Please join me. It starts soon.

P.S. Dear Maulana Karenga, I am making the 7 principles a part of my daily ritual. I’d like to thank you for creating Kwanzaa. It makes me feel alive and it is helping me to heal from the past. I am better today. Peace and love.

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a beautifully Poetic Sunday

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For a long time, I did not desire him
so I buried myself in things
that would keep me away:

“got a good book and got all in it,
tried a little yoga for a minute, but it won’t let go…”
click here

He fought for his right to see me
and I ignored his attempts,
unsure of the necessity to have him in my life:

“I just can’t decide
If it’s you I want
Don’t want to choose between
Having you in my life or losing you for real
’cause I caught feelings…”
click here

As much as I could remember the beauty of him, something still pushed me into another zone. The thought of him being a reflection of my good, and my bad, made me want to be free. I wanted to face another reality:

“We were too much the same, and I didn’t know, who to blame, cause I didn’t want to change; and you weren’t going to change…”
click here

I was much more into my own feelings, tired of compromising, tired of insecurities, just so tired of second-guessing, and needing approval. I wanted to float. I chose to live amongst the clouds. It was time to face myself and see the good parts of me. Not the parts of me buried in monotony. I needed an atmosphere that would allow me to grow:

“Here I am, on a cloud
If you want me take the chance try love out loud
As I drift, through the sky
Shooting cupid’s loving arrow you just might try
So don’t miss me, take your time
You’ve only got one chance, yes…”
click here

So, after listening to my heart, I put myself out there. My search had begun. My spirit no longer wanted to live behind a smokescreen. I wanted to live visibly, and openly. I stumbled, off the block. This newness, this world that I was beginning to see, wasn’t familiar. So, I was afraid, at first, but one day, as I mingled, I saw a butterfly, and the beauty of it was astounding, so I chased it:

“See a butterfly
Up in the sky
I got a story to say
And I’ll tell you why
I’m searchin’
You see my friend
And I need someone
Who feels and needs
The same as I
I’m searchin’ …”
click here, baby
♥  ___________________________ ♥
I am out here, in this world, alone most of the time, but not lonely. I needed to know what it felt like to just be me. So thank you Universe for revealing me to me. That friend that I needed, was simply Shila. Everything outside of me, is just a gift, but never again will I exchange my happiness for anything. I am powerful in this way.
♥  ___________________________ ♥
Let’s listen to each other more. We could avoid so much, if we weren’t afraid of what the other might say. Damn. Can we just talk? We have to be brave, because at the end of the day, our hurt feelings are just not the bigger picture.

 

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Peace and love,

Shila Iris

P.S.  I want to shout out GOAPELE. She is a wonderful artist. I have enjoyed pretty much all of her recorded music. I want to make sure you hear this song. It is a reflection of me, and I am sure some of you can relate to every single lyric, just as I. It is amazing how someone else’s art can capture my heart so perfectly.

I find myself writing to this tune. Evolution requires that we face whatever made us hit rock bottom. These “rock bottom recoveries” are what make us and break us. So, this little tune cracked me right open! I had always been somewhat of a poet, writing since I was about 7 years old. Journals and journals full of words and thoughts in metaphors and similes! However, for the past few years, I couldn’t write. I couldn’t figure out why. Had I lost my ability to be poetic? I was stuck in this funk, in a place where I couldn’t arrange my thoughts. I was depressed and frustrated for a very long time. Nonetheless, that is over, and I write all the time! I just needed more life experiences. Sometimes we have to leave our comfort zones to really and truly find ourselves. I am searching. Aren’t we all? If you see me, let’s just have a good time. It’s really about being grown and mature and knowing how to express your love. Not just saying it, but living it. I HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE.

Let’s travel, don’t be afraid. Won’t you be free with me? My final destination, the motherland. That is inside of me.

Roy and I

I Love You Too Daddy

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“When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority.”

My father looked into my 30 year old eyes. He knew that I had been going through some things. He stared. He couldn’t look away. I could tell that he wanted to save me. I didn’t have to tell him the details because he already knew. He could feel my pain. He hugged me and told his favorite story of me from my childhood. He said, “you don’t know how much I love you. My baby girl! I can’t believe that you are a grown woman.” I gave him a soft smile, in hopes of disguising my pain. I said nothing. My intent was to forgive. I love you too daddy.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives.

Up until the age of 8, I saw my father mostly everyday. Then I lost him to the world. He abused drugs, he abused women, and he abused himself. I became afraid of him. He chose these things over me. He chose women over me. He chose the streets over me. He did this for years and no one talked about it. The anger festered. By the age of 15, I was completely and utterly disgusted by him. He was no longer mine. I had to become a woman without him. I no longer wanted him around. The rotten life he’d chosen stunk. I could smell him coming miles away. I ran from him. I couldn’t stand his presence.  It wasn’t so much that I blamed him for anything, it was just, I’d seen him using drugs and it destroyed my image of him. I didn’t know what to say.

I moved away with no send off from my father. I discovered other men. I indulged. I then began to miss him, but I ignored him. He’s always been a loving man. Even through his chaos, he tried to be a part of my life. My heart was ice cold. I could feel him pulling on the strings of my heart. He felt heavy. It took years, but I finally let go of the anger! It wasn’t him that was heavy, he was only a man. Men aren’t perfect. It was me. It was the anger that I was holding onto that was heavy. I had to learn how to shed the burden of judgment. I had to accept his struggle. I have.

Life feels so much better this way. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the anger, but I have and my father has become my friend. He is my protection. He decided that he wanted to be there for me, to stand up for me and he has. The past seems so far away. Thank you daddy for holding my hand.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives. In finding my true self, I discovered that the time in which my father was absent most certainly affected my life. It made me weaker in areas where I should have been strong. It made me susceptible to bullshit. It made me think that it was OK to be a rebound. I wanted that male presence. So I compromised. I allowed myself to be treated like a bad habit. I wasn’t the woman that I needed to be. Now, I get to be that. I get to be stronger. I get to blossom into my Queendom. I have forgiven my father, but most importantly, I have forgiven myself. I can finally move forward with LOVE.

I know that it certainly isn’t easy having children. It takes time, commitment, and patience. No child asks to be born. When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority. The needs of the child are most important. In the current state of our society, relationships end and children sway in the wind like leaves. Parents pay their child support and see their children sparingly. Don’t let that be your reality. Give your attention and time to your children. Treat them like fixtures in your life. Set your own emotions aside and spend time daily with them. It will pay off. Peace and love to you daddy.

You are my King.

Shila Iris for AfriKan Essence, Thursday, October 16, 2014, 8:56 a.m.

“Affirmation: Today, I will not dwell on the past or the future. I have no need for either, when I step fully into the present. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold onto to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. I will not anticipate pain or pleasure in the future to relieve anxiety. The present is the home of my being. Past and future are only the dreams of whom I was or what I might become. Today, I will release the past and its burden of wounded dreams.  

I see God in you, Queen

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You were made in the image of me, so I see God in you, Queen. You are beautiful, and I’m stuck like a deer in headlights. What does your soul taste like?

Treat yourself as the person you want to be, and you will become that. I want to be free. Pictures courtesy of Bella Kinks.

Music and a book.

SZA!

Dear God make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away

Call your phone on a late night
I recall your soul and it taste like
Gardens, flowers, Warm Winds
Quit clipping on your feet
Quit clipping on your wings
Sometimes we hate to leave somebody
Whats happening to we?
Warm winds on a space ride
Sometimes, I call your name out loud
Just to make sure it’s you
Sometimes, I crack my veins so bad
Just to see if it’s blue
You clean me up

Sometimes I bite my lips and close my eyes                                                                     Just to pretend it’s you

Long live, lonely thoughts on Thursday nights

That’s when I think of you

We were all thirteen once
Long live tramp stamps and Pepper Ann
You will never judge me for that
You will always love me for that
Posing Beauty: African American Images from the 1890s to the Present

Thank you for being here with me. Chase your soul through the gardens, flowers, and warm winds. “Sometimes I bite my lips and close my eyes, thinking of you.”  Remember good things. Let’s not hide from the truth. Say what you want. Do what you please. And when it is necessary, leave. It’s all good. -Shila Iris