The Shoe That Would Change My Life!


Honestly, I have been obsessed with lace up the front cognac/brown tall leather boots for some time now. However, I have yet to get some because I cannot afford them. … but mark my words, I will one day, really soon! I shouldn’t say “obsessed,” but I have done tons of Google searches trying to find a cheaper pair and when I am thrift-ing, I always have my eye open, hoping to find a vintage pair!




This is that one shoe in life, I would splurge on and I would wear these boots year round! If I got these, there would be NO need for me to ever buy another shoe in life (just kidding)! Lol!

What do you think?

Peace and Love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Check out Warriors’ Pulse by Ali.


Love These Outfits!


I would love to see men walking around wearing this everyday!


… and women wearing this!

Beautiful Dresses

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Looking forward to reading this book:

How to Start a Creative Business: The Jargon-Free Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs

How to Start a Creative Business: The Jargon-Free Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs

I Am Not Afraid to Turn 30


I am happy to be coming close to 30!


Probably won’t be taking anymore of these shots!

I am going to be 30 pretty soon and at least 20 people have asked me about having children. Whenever my age comes up, this is the first thing that people inquire about! Everyone wants to know about my marital status and my desires to start a family. Very rarely do people ask if I am happy with the work that I do or if I have good health. The only thing people seem to care about with this 29 year old girl is rather I am going to start having babies! Well I am not!

I am finding it hard to endure this sense of urgency and pressure that people are putting on me to have children right now! Honestly, I do not desire to have a child at the current moment and I am not the type of person who has dreamed of being married with children since I was a little girl. I have dreams more like Martin Luther King, Jr. I am sure the experience of having a child is wonderful, but I am in a different place. I do not need a child to define what I am as a woman. What I really need in my life is peace. Without it, I cannot imagine ever having a child.

Finding peace is my number one goal in life. I need to be able to live with who I am and get the best out of all of my experiences. I want to do other things so that if I ever have a child, I would be able to share my wonderful life with them via travel, education, and spirituality. My journey has only begun. If I do not have a child, then I will continue to share these things with my nieces and nephews. So to everyone that cannot help but to worry about what is going to happen to 30 year old Shila, you can just stop it! What I want is to stand on solid ground. Everything else will come naturally.

I cannot live up to anyone’s expectations, not even my own sometimes. So I would love it if everyone could just chill. It almost seems like people pity me for being childless. It’s like they ridicule my freedom. Not to say that children take away all freedom, but this is the tone in which people speak to me.

However, life is a beautiful thing and I appreciate everything that happens to me. I can appreciate the “warnings” but I do not feel threatened by age. I feel enlightened and mature!  I am not afraid of 30. When I was 25, two different doctors advised that I start having children then. They made it sound like if I didn’t start soon, my chances of miscarriage would be high. This may be true, but WHAT IF I am just a healthy person? Let’s focus on that! I always wondered why they had to make my life sound like a ticking time bomb.

I feel like turning 30 will be the beginning of another beautiful phase in my life and I am ready to learn and just have fun with it. I have noticed changes in my metabolism and I have gained a little weight- I am the heaviest that I have ever been in my life. I noticed that any extra pounds I pick up are gathering in my midsection and thighs. All I can do is work harder at eating right and exercising (so, no I am not pregnant to the people who asked!).

Frankly, I am so excited to be getting away from the turbulent twenties. I feel like moving on. I am ready to accept everything that comes with age rather it be weight or peace. I was speaking with someone about looks and she spoke to me as if my body changes had to be a negative thing. Why would I expect to have the same body as I did when I was younger? I am not interested in looking like a plastic magazine cover either. I want to be naturally me. Furthermore, I am fond of moderation so I will not watch myself become too much of anything if I can help it. Turning 30 does not mean that I can start overeating and destroying my body. I want to stay healthy. I know plenty of sistahs who are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who look amazing.


My girl Rashimba Bloom is looking good in her late 30s!

I do not fear looking older. I just do not see myself letting go and becoming desperate for a relationship or for a man. I am not interested in the older man who chases after younger women purposefully as if older women have nothing he desires. I figure, let the younger women have him, because I don’t want an immature man like that. My mind operates a little differently. I am prone to move towards a person out of love and not lust.

Also, I have noticed that I feel differently about many things; but I can control my anxiety and levels of stress better than I ever have. My hair is different, my mind is different, and my spirit is ever evolving! That is what I care about. Not the simple age of 30. The “BIG 3-0″ they say! NO PRESSURE. I am ready to embrace it all! Furthermore, if I get to be 40, and my partner and I decide to have a baby, all we can do is try. There will be no regrets. I am living in this moment right now… and I love it!

Thelathini, karibu! (30, welcome!)

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence


My niece and I

P.S. I am looking forward to reading this book:

Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom, Bride of God

Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom, Bride of God

Need a good book to read? I found this one to be OK. It was helpful in many ways.

HBR’s 10 Must-Reads on Managing Yourself


Also, if you have not ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the About Page or Details Tab above.

I Love the Sun! Thrifted Ensemble…


Wondering how to wear your NON-FANCY thrift store finds? Check it out. … and if you haven’t ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the ABOUT page aka Details tab at the top.

I love when the sun is out! I live in Midwestern United States where it is cold at least 9 months out of the year. So, when the sun decides to show its face, I am like, here I am, shine down on me! I have to be careful because last year I got my very first sun burn and it wasn’t fun at all! So remember everyone if you are going to be in the sun, for even just a few minutes, rub shea butter on your skin because it is a sun block. You may even want to use something else along with the shea.

My first day in the sun… I bought this outfit from second hand stores.

Let me say, I just cut my hair, yet again! I love short hair. It is auburn-colored. I am going to stop using chemical dyes soon and switch to henna dye which is now sold at Whole Foods. I got a cheap $4 dye from Sally’s Beauty (who is Sally?, lol).

SHIRT by American Eagle Outfitters via Plato’s Closet. It is blue and a light-weight sweater material – $4

SKIRT by Mossimo which is a brand only sold at Target via Thrift Store – denim with pockets $3

SANDALS by Kohls – $10

FEATHER EARRINGS from Icing by Claire’s – $1.99

BONE BRACELETS- African street festival – $25

BONE RING- City Buddha in Cleveland Heights, Ohio – $3.95

ANKH RING- Claire’s (in the mall) – $3.75

FINGER NAIL POLISH- Revlon Knockout Color 731 from Walgreen’s – $4; top coat is Matte Magic by China Glaze from Sally’s Beauty Supply – $2.50 on clearance

… these little details won’t matter to the men, but women ask, so there it is!

Peace and Love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Need a good book to read? Check it out…The Seat of the Soul

The crazy cats around me love the sun too!

Having a Good Day the Tantric Way – Who is YahZarah?

If you haven’t ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the DETAILS page.

Jambo! I hope you are feeling good today. If you are not, there is still a chance to turn your day around. It starts with you. I suggest using sounds and smells to heighten your senses and lift the vibrations around you. The vibrations around you are the levels of good or bad energy. The higher the vibration, the better off you are. What DO I DO to turn my day around and lift my vibrations? I am glad you asked! My checklist goes like this:

  1. Light some incense- even my friends with asthma use incense. If you are able to find a good brand such as Wild Berry, HEM, or Tulasi- you are in luck. These brands release the longest lasting smells that can linger for hours.
  2. Try having a positive conversation with someone- only talk about the good things that are going on in your life. Try NOT to talk about anything negative and offer no complaints. I love calling my friends that live in other cities. I can have a fresh experience talking to them without having to tell them about anything bad.
  3. Eat a well-balanced meal. I find that eating good food really lifts my spirit. I like spicy fish and veggies, Indian and African dishes, smoothies, coconut ice cream from Trader Joe’s, some meats (not fried). I LOVE GOOD FOOD! Steamed broccoli with garlic and lemon really gives me energy as well as brussel sprouts and kale sauteed in olive oil with garlic and capers. Go green if you are really feeling down.
  4. Get some plants. I find that looking at them lifts my mood. I got some beautiful plants from a garden center. It’s best to go to a real garden center if you are looking for a mature plant (not Wal-Mart or Home Depot). These are my plants:
  5. GOOD MUSIC- if you can find an old album that you really like, listen away! If you want to try something new. Go to YouTube and type in the names of your favorite artists. On the right hand side of the screen, YouTube lists recommendations. A lot of times these recommendations are great! YouTube tries to find other artists that are similar to the one you typed in. I type Sade or Nneka and I get great results. I love 90s music so I type 702 or TLC, and get great results too.

And this brings me to YahZarah! I am so excited to share the music of this wonderful lady. She made her mark performing as a background singer for Erykah Badu (I just learned this). She also sang with a music group called the Foreign Exchange (I remember this). I heard her album The Ballad of Purple St. James and I loved it! The first song is the most inviting. You can use it for various occasions to get a party started! It just makes you want to get up and dance. This is YahZarah:

Yahzarah 1 Yahzarah

HAVING A GOOD DAY THE TANTRIC WAY? Check out this video. Pay attention to her altar. Change your day by listening to vibes like this! This made me feel good at a time when I was experiencing a lot of fatigue. I ended up finding it on YouTube by mistake. I watched it 10 times! I was so high. I love it! Furthermore, I am doing research on the Goddess Kali and in this video YahZarah has an image of the Goddess over her altar. Awesome! I admire her movement and confidence. I do not consider her energy strictly sexual. It can be a whole lot of things.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Looking for more information on Tantricism? I found this book to be useful.

The Tantric Way by Ajit Mookerjee and Madhu Khanna

The Tantric Way

How I Wear My Skinny Jeans


Welcome to African Essence. If you haven’t ever visited this blog be sure to check out the Details page.

Today’s style idea is: HOW TO WEAR SKINNY JEANS! I have trouble with this type of jean simply because I prefer a certain cut: straight leg and my favorite is bootcut. However, I bought a few pairs of skinny’s to test out the look and let me tell you, I struggled! I’ve had them for about a year and I just could not get with the look. I thought they made my feet look like boats! I also do not like the way they feel on my skin. I tend to like clothes that I can move around in more. So this is how they looked on me…

So I tried. All in all, I think that they are ok, but I definitely have to be in a playful mood to wear skinny jeans! I have found that wearing them with tunics or longer sweaters is a MUST for me! Any other way, I cannot tolerate them. Here are some other cuts of jeans.


Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Head Wrapping


Head wrapping is becoming increasingly popular. I say go for it! I love to wrap my hair and no, it has nothing to do with a bad hair day! Depending upon what city you are in, people may look at you weird, but who cares! Wear that wrap! I wear them to work and for play. I can make them look classy or fun! If you are out and you see a cool fabric on sale, buy it! Your wrap does not have to necessarily match what you have on. I like to tastefully mix patterns. It adds life to any outfit. Keep in mind, I have shorter hair, so NO, you do not have to have long hair in order to wear a wrap.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence